Hillary: here’s what you need to do to ace the debate

Carla Sorey-Reed
Founder & CEO
Women Uninterrupted

You can’t win an election with a debate, but you can certainly lose one. And with the polls this close, the candidates’ task is not about preaching to the choir; it’s about capturing that elusive 10% that will ultimately decide the election.

There are nervous Democrats all over the country. I know because I am one. As a black woman with a black husband and son, I deem a Donald Trump presidency a very real threat to my lifeblood and livelihood. I also work as a speaker coach, and was part of a team hired to train podium speakers at the 2016 Democratic national convention. I worked closely with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Angela Bassett, Senator Cory Booker, and Governor Howard Dean.

I’m not advising Hillary, but if I were, here’s what I’d say to her. 

The audience will be emotionally fact-checking

You have staff aplenty making sure you know what to say about your campaign platforms, policy stances, and social positions. But here’s the catch. People can read the what. We’re watching the debates to see and hear the how: how you interact with your opponent, with the host, and with us, the audience. We’re emotionally fact-checking. What about you represents us?

I’ve heard it said that you’re not a natural public speaker. But you’re a good conversationalist, and you know what? Public speaking and holding a conversation aren’t that far apart. Trust yourself as a communicator. Shrink the room.

Use the power of storytelling

In a memorable video, shown at the Democratic national convention, you spoke of your mother being left home alone overnight at age four and walking by herself to a corner cafe to get food. You took your time, you allowed the details of the story to unfold, your emotion was contained yet visible, and through the natural pauses and silences of storytelling, you were able to transfer ownership of the universality of the emotion to the audience – all in 30 seconds.

That story is the cornerstone of my understanding of who you are. You created something more meaningful and stickier than any sound bite – a story bite. Practice concise stories about yourself or specific individuals that you’ve met on the campaign trail that you can share during the debate to dovetail back into your message. And a bonus: stories are very hard to interrupt.

Put Trump in a trick bag

At Trump’s first interruption, turn to him and graciously say, “I think the audience would appreciate it if we could agree not to interrupt one another. Can we agree on that?” If he agrees, then you have successfully managed him. If he doesn’t, he looks like an uncivilized bully.

This one’s a little harder, but it would be a thing of beauty if you could provoke Trump into putting his thin-skinned quick temper or flip-flopping on full display. Perhaps in response to a question about gun control: “What kind of person brags that he could shoot someone and not lose voters?”

If Trump accuses you of playing “the woman card” – own it! We want to see the “grace and grit” that Meryl Streep referred to when speaking of you at the convention. Seize control of the game: “In case you haven’t noticed, Donald, it’s the hand I was dealt. I’ve played it all my life, sometimes with long odds, which makes the victories won even sweeter”.

Do eye contact – well

During the 3 October 2012, presidential debate, Barack Obama assumed he was off-camera and could safely study his notes while Mitt Romney was answering a question. Instead, Obama was televised non-stop on a split screen. That night, we learned that looking down, even when not speaking, does not inspire confidence.

During the primary debates you occasionally fell into the trap of holding “school teacher” eye contact – characterized by sharp eye movement intended to rein in an undisciplined class. Darting eyes crack like a whip and smack of an older, judgmental disciplinarian – a look that’s probably not endearing to millennials. Instead, smoothly and slowly, first turn your head and your eyes will follow.

Respond with your head up and with steady eye contact. In the primary debates, Bernie was a master at this. He rarely, if ever, looked down. If he didn’t have an immediate answer, with his head up and eyes steady, he would first validate the question, then hedge with a bit of context while he thought about his answer.

Looking down only rarely suggests humility or gathering one’s thoughts. Instead, when the stakes are high, looking down is more likely to be interpreted as a lack of confidence or commitment to what you’re saying – or condescension, remorse or guilt. None of that is what you’re aiming for in the debate, so keep your head up. Head up, not chin up – there’s a difference.

Remember who this is about

Most of all, Hillary, remember that the debate is not about Donald. It’s not even about you. It’s about us. Just talk to us. And let us see that you’re enjoying the conversation.

This article was originally published in the Guardian. 

A letter to Anne Nicole: How Women Uninterrupted is breaking the Women’s Networking Formula

Carla Sorey-Reed
Founder & Executive Producer
Women Uninterrupted

Hi Anne,

I am writing this letter in response to your great piece “Let's Break the Women's Networking Formula” written on Nov 22. It's uncanny reading your breakdown of what a women’s networking conference should be from the perspective of a millennial professional.  You hit on many of the same points that we are addressing this December 8, 2015 in Oakland, at the inaugural Women Uninterrupted: What’s left Unsaid?, an anti-conference event that we created in answer to the broken women’s conference model.

Just yesterday I published an article describing what inspired me to create Women Uninterrupted, “Getting Away from the Same Old, Same Old: Creating A Conference That Really Tells It Like It Is”. After 15 years of coaching speakers and attending countless conferences, I was finding that more and more often, I would arrive as late as possible and leave as early as possible, acutely feeling that my time had been wasted. It seems that speeches have lost their way – they are filled with marketing pablum and Hallmark style inspiration. There’s a scarcity of good content that leads to action, and not just more talk. In particular I find that conferences and speeches about gender issues and women in the workplace are filled with same tired talk, and the needle of meaningful change is moving ever so slowly.

Having just now read your article, I am compelled to chime in on a few of the great points you made, which we are very excited to be addressing at Women Uninterrupted.

How we are breaking the formula:

We are 100% doing away with:

• Goodie bags
• Speeches by sponsors
• Speeches on how to be successful by successful women
• Panel discussions with a group of women talking about work/life balance.

Solution #1: Less Fluff, Qualify the Panel Discussion

This point of yours is the one I am most passionate about - not only in panels, but across the board - LESS FLUFF. In my article I talk about delivering content that is raw, emotional and real - from women who are established leaders, and from others who are emerging. We are asking a lot from our speakers, in particular we are asking them to dig deep and talk about “What’s Left Unsaid?” For example, after explaining the mission of Women Uninterrupted that we were going into uncharted territory, I asked a well known executive if she would consider participating in the event. Her reply was “I’ll speak, but you’re not going to like what I have to say.” Without hesitation, I said “you’re in!”

Solution #2: Leading with Humor

I agree that humor is a great tool to shine a light in all the dark corners that otherwise remain elusive to speakers. Humor disarms people and drives change. I am thrilled to have Deborah Wade on the Women Uninterrupted stage. Deborah is a writer, performer and comedienne who has been entertaining audiences in the Bay Area and beyond for the past 20 years. She is going to be poking fun at speakers, attendees, and the creators at Women Uninterrupted.  

Solution #3: Minimum Standards for Vendors

Agree that actionable ideas such as this one: if every company created minimum diversity standards for procurement and vendor selection, this would actually move the needle. Across the board (pun intended), agreed! Our way of contributing to this kind of idea at our event, is to only have female speakers and an all female team - for the inaugural event. With our vendors, we have a mix, and tried hard to have it at least 50-50 male-female split.

Beyond this, we are asking our speakers to be mindful that they leave the audience with an actionable takeaway that will help move the needle further, not just talk. You’ll have to wait and see what those are!

And, I am adding Solution #4: Be Honest with Ourselves: All is Not Well Within the Sisterhood.

The sisterhood is not always a lovefest. One of our featured speakers, Mylea Charvat, a CEO and Neuroscientist, will unflinchingly discuss competition between women in the workplace, and the fact that it can be ugly and unsettling. What happens when our pride of place is threatened?

The program will be in The James Moore Theater at the Oakland Museum of California. There are no VIPS. There will not be a keynote speaker. There will be experienced power speakers along side of emerging speakers. None will be touting their “success”. There will be no breakouts. There will be no reserved seating. There will be interaction. While, it will be safe; we do not promise that the conversation will be comfortable.

And, lastly, I promise as the founder, not to give a long speech about why I started Women Uninterrupted: What’s left Unsaid? Afterall, that’s what this article is for!

I know you're in Australia, but maybe you can come to the Bay Area on December 8 for the event?! That would be terrific!

Very best,

Carla

Getting Away from the Same Old, Same Old: Creating A Conference That Really Tells It Like It Is

Carla Sorey-Reed
Founder & Executive Producer
Women Uninterrupted

I’ve been sharing stories in one way or another my entire adult life. I truly believe a good story can effect significant change. I began my career as an actress, telling other people’s stories before I discovered my passion for helping others find their voice and give power to their own message.  

For the past fifteen years, I have spent the bulk of my time coaching technology executives, TED talkers, authors, social innovators and rock stars – yes, real ones – to use the spoken word to create meaningful change.

In attending countless conferences with my clients, I found myself becoming disenchanted with presentations that lack the authenticity and vulnerability of being fully present in the speaking moment, that human element that can create emotion in the audience and inspire change.

So late last year when I was working with a bright young woman named Marni Cohen on a speech that was mostly about mansplaining, I was inspired. I was inspired when I learned through her research the shocking extent to which women are interrupted by men and, as I later learned, also interrupted by women. But also, by her compelling speaking style, which was still raw, real and moving.

It inspired the name of a conference I had long been dreaming about: Women Uninterrupted -- What’s Left Unsaid?

I began to wonder what thoughts and ideas were not being heard or getting out into the world because women were being interrupted? What behaviors were women adopting and what psychic space were they retreating to as a result of feeling unheard?

This same study suggested that women are the biggest "offenders" of interrupting. I began to wonder if interrupting and fast-talking might be related. Why do women talk so damn fast? Could it be because we are scared of being interrupted so we try to cram as many words in as little time as possible? Perhaps men are more comfortable taking up conversational real estate because we allow them more than we allow our sisters. Clearly as women, we have some accountability in this equation. But when there may only be one woman at the conversation table, whether that’s in a boardroom or a meeting with the chiefs of staff, how does she find her way in?

Women Uninterrupted has grown to encompass an exploration of what would happen to the female self if we were to eliminate all of those interruptions that stop us from being fully realized: The psychic and "real" interruptions created by having kids, leaving the work force, self-doubt, dealing with health issues, violence and familial and societal expectations.

As I write this, I am made to wonder is it illusory to consider a life minus interruptions? Probably!

So perhaps it’s more meaningful to discuss the second part of the title: What’s Left Unsaid? What is left unsaid when we are mentally and physically held captive by that which interrupts us? All the new agey inspirational pablum in the world -"if you can believe it, you can become it" - falls flat if you feel interrupted beyond repair.

And thus, Women Uninterrupted was born, a new event created to give a platform to the brave voices of women, known and emerging, baby boomers and millennials who will reveal audacious, unexpected truths about what really matters to women.

Join me at Women Uninterrupted: What's left Unsaid? on December 8 from 12 pm – 6 pm at the Oakland Museum of California, 1000 Oak Street, Oakland, CA.